Forgotten, but now remembered.

Tonight I discovered a wonderful, new (to me) blog which has reminded me of things I’ve forgotten. I’m moving into a new home in a few weeks, the first home I will ever own. The possession date is three years after my “liberation date”, the date I walked away from a destructive un-marriage (it wandered so far from a marriage, I sometimes struggle to use the word marriage), moved into a cute little apartment and started to try and renew myself. I keep thinking about how in the last three years, I got out of [enormous] debt (thanks to the ex-), how I managed to travel the world and fulfill some dreams, how I changed not only jobs, but careers and am thriving, how I have regained my self-respect, and confidence, how I met an amazing man who I love to pieces and who brings an amazing smile to my face, and how I have finally saved enough money, found the perfect house, in the perfect location, for the perfect price.

Reading Alece’s narrative, her journey from broken to whole, reminded me just how much I relied on a faith in Christ / love / hope to get me through my own journey. I know that I often express my discomfort and disagreement with aspects of my religion. But when it comes down to it, the faith and associated principles which are the fundamental part of any religion provides a very true source of “grounding”. While it may not play a consciously predominate part in my daily life, it is what gets me from point A to B. I try and take credit for all the progress I’ve made, but I know it’s not just me. While I know I haven’t given enough time or respect to the things that matter the most, I know my solid testimony that I nurtured so early on in my life still exists, and that it still buoys me, even if I’m not actively feeding. It laid the foundation for strength, reslience, perserverance and just a hope for a future. I think it might be getting hungry though. I find myself turning to Christian bloggers of the female-20-something-type, reading their words, feeling them not only speaking to me, but stirring things deep within me. It’s not so much the religion that I’m attracted to, but their hope and faith for a brighter future. If that comes from a basis of religion, then I’m fine with that. After all, I do share that heritage.

I remember now where my strength through the 12 months of disintegrating marriage came from. I can’t forget that. Well, that, and really, really great friends, chocolate and yoga.

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